Recently I have noticed that our society put a very high premium on repression. As children we are taught in a very black and white manner what emotions are good/helpful and which ones are bad/hurtful. In my own experience I have come to understand that each human experience can be productive and revealing if approached with compassion and curiosity. My latest reflections have been around the emotion of anger. I have always prided myself on being a person who is slow to anger. And although I am still pleased with the fact that I tend not to lash out at others or myself, on a closer and more sincere analysis of my inner world, the anger does exist. And it doesn't come unwarranted. The following writing exercise is a stream of consciousness dialogue that helped me to give room for these expressions to be real and lived without judging them as being in need of repression. By working through these frustrations and limitations, I had a lightbulb moment at the end as to the positive influence of anger, which I also share. I offer a trigger warning for the following content that it may seem disheartening and raw, but my intent is not so much that you gain personal insight in reading it (although I welcome you to if you are drawn to do so) but that this may occur to you as a viable exercise to practice which leads you to your own process of release and acceptance.
All The Things That Make Me Angry
The lack of emotional intelligence taught in school * that liking children is not a prerequisite to teaching * that people don’t understand teaching and parenthood are the two most radically important jobs in the world * that parenthood can be entered into by mistake* that children could ever feel like a mistake*the fact that our culture perseverates on our collective and individual mistakes but not on how to solve them* that people think the world needs fixing* that I think the world needs fixing* that we aren’t currently capable of enjoying where we are who we are with and what we are doing* that we live our lives on a vertical axises trying to constantly define everything as “better than” and “less than” * that mud is seen as dirty* that spiders are seen as scary* that death is feared* that death isn’t talked about* that pain and fear are avoided* that we treat our elderly our homeless and our mentally unwell as rejects* that we have a notion of us versus them* that people think we need to shield ourselves from “them”* that science and religion ultimately reveal that the point of life is to escape it (under the ever impressive guise of “transcendence” * that when I feel happy and balanced I feel alone* that people who are greedy and ignorant also feel alone despite having the whole world on their side*the fact that some days i actually believe that the “whole world” is greedy and ignorant” the fact that his proves my own ignorance* that the internet is the single greatest and most revolutionary invention of all time and it mostly gets used for asinine nonsense* that we are the first culture in the history of mankind who were not taught how to meditate by our family/elders/community/schools* that all the most important things I want to learn I must learn on my own* that we think Harry Potters world of magic is a mythical one* that true Love in our culture is becoming a myth* that people don’t smile and hold each other more often* that platonic respectful touching is taboo/unusual, but rape is common*that those who speak out against injustice are silenced/mocked/persecuted* that writing is my obsession yet seems passive and trivial*that I must do something to be something in the world* that i live in a world which simultaneously experiences both obesity and starvation epidemics* that after all this time we haven’t figured out how to share* that we haven’t realized we are each other's most effective anti-depressant* that I don’t think i’ve ever met an emotionally and mentally well person in real life ever*that you told me to stop talking to my imaginary friends*that those were the best friends i ever had* that cellphones are easier to commit to*that people substitute real world accomplishment for video game achievements* that children are raised by television screens* that we see a child with lots of energy as being diseased* that we tell them to sit down* that we tell them to be afraid* that we shield them from every real experience of Life and spoon feed them our worst neuroses* that people can’t sleep because the city never gets dark* that people can’t sleep because they won’t turn their screen off* that people can’t sleep because they can’t turn their brains off* that alcohol is the acceptable substance even though it is by far the farthest removed from any transformative or healing experience* that pharmaceutical drugs kill more people than any illicit drug put together* that doctors only treat you like the blank space to be filled on a prescription pad*that the list goes on and on indefinitely*
What Keeps Me Going
the Faith I have in myself to never let any of this stop me from striving to be a more Loving more Authentic more Compassionate Human Being*because I understand what I am up against* and I know my Love needs to be BIGGER and STRONGER in order to survive* and if it never had a heavy weight to carry* how could this happen?**