September 3, 2010 is a day I will never forget. That is the day that I allowed my 19 year old son to go out with his friend’s to relax after we had all had a difficult day. By midnight he was involved in a drowning accident, transported to our local hospital and around 2am he was pronounced dead by the doctor’s who tried everything however could not revive him.
Imagine sitting in that hospital waiting room, a waiting room you had visited many times with your son, while it emptied out and all that was left was you and your husband and the triage nurse who sat in his little office in retrospect afraid to speak to us because he had found out the truth of why we had not been allowed into the back. Never in 15 years had we been kept from being with our children while the doctors examined them. No one entered that hospital emergency room for two hours. It was as if time stood still until everyone who had entered earlier exited the emergency room and then they came to speak to us. By that time, we had quietly surmised what had happened. Our fear had paralyzed us into immobility, numbness, and muteness. We were only body. Physically breathing and barely moving. Our mind had left us just after midnight. No thoughts were being formed. Our soul was deep in prayer. I knew one thing. Only God could intercede on our behalf because earlier that week I had asked for his help with Michael.
This blog is about something that Pastor Todd Mullins of Christ Fellowship asked the congregation to do on Sunday, November 8, 2015. He spoke on FORGIVENESS. He said we needed to FORGIVE those who have hurt us. I’ve heard that said from many people in many ways however it was Pastor Todd’s sermon that sent me on my most recent introspection so I’ll give him the credit now. As he spoke, I thought about all people who have hurt me and whether I have forgiven them or not. Most of those were yes and if it was a no, I thought about it and forgave them. THEN.... I had a flurry of thoughts penetrate through my mind dealing with my son Michael and I realized as I began to cry that I had not forgiven the people in my son’s life who I felt had let him down, hurt him, mistreated him, not served him well, etc. From now until I feel complete, I will write about individuals that I need to forgive as it pertains to Michael, Me or Michael and I, lessons learned along the way and suggestions for how you can deal with forgiveness if it has happened to you. Forgiveness especially if you have lost a child is important in the grieving process.
Let’s begin. I forgive the Emergency Medical Personnel who transported Michael from the canal to the hospital. Although it seems that they had found a pulse at the canal, that was not sufficient for the doctors to work a miracle. I forgive the doctors and nurses who worked on Michael who were unsuccessful. I forgive the Triage Nurse who asked us so bubbly who we were waiting for and said that he would go to the back and obtain a status. I forgive him for not coming back to his office immediately. I forgive him for not coming back to give us a status once he did return to his office. I ask God to release all the pain that he felt that day because I do know that he was very moved by our son’s death. I forgive them all. I realize they did their best. Even worse, I know they see too many of our young people in their emergency room and too many of them die tragic deaths.
Just incase you think I have forgotten about the friends, I haven’t. Nor have I forgotten about the detective who poorly handled the case or my sister in law who posted on Facebook Michael’s death before we had had time to speak personally to our children. I’ll deal with those forgiveness on another day. Come back and find out how I processed through forgiving them.