Grieving Is Not Just About Loosing A Loved One. And Its Not Always Sad.
It’s so interesting that I wasn’t able to really titled this blog. I am sad and I am grieving, but the loss is wanted and welcomed.
I have been calling into manifestation a life that includes a partner. I have been deliberately living on my own for years. 10 years to be exact. After my divorce, I chose to fall in love and build a healthy relationship with me.
At first, it was difficult. Who was I if I was not a ‘wife’ or partner to another? Who was I if I ‘wanted’ to be on my own? How would I be perceived by others if I wasn’t ‘looking and pining’ over a romantic life? From day one of my upbringing, I was groomed to fall in love and marry and raise a family and find joy and happiness forever within that paradigm.
I went through the process of being lonely and getting to know me the way I was. In my own company, I got the opportunity to criticize and also credit how I run my personal, professional and global life. Using the tools that I gained during years of ‘self help’ Work,I started to create my life, my way. And I like what I’ve created. I’m independent, I am healthy, I am vibrant. I have a home that is welcoming and warm. I am not lonely as I have also become part of a community of the most lovely people. All that being said, a year ago or so, I decided it was time to allow a love partner into my life.
Meeting up again with men was a bit bumpy. I witnessed myself being somewhat aloof and certainly flippant with regard to any interruptions in my life or my home. Then, last June, I met Anthony. I haven’t a thing to complain about. We tend to move harmoniously in both his circle of friends and mine. We have the same favorite colors and we like the same music. We speak gently to each other and our love life is becoming more passionate as opposed to loosing it’s luster! Hmmmmmm, so what’s the sadness about?
It’s about the ‘fear’ of the loss of my independence. It’s about letting myself blend too much into another and loosing myself. And then I allow a beautiful Oxytocin breath into my belly. Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhh and OMPH! I move forward. I move forward embracing that the Work was thorough. I truly enjoy Me and the Man I have chosen to share life with chose me as well. I will continue to embrace all of the exercises that ‘grow’ me and give me delight, while I embrace Him and trust in our future.
Life is maintenance. As Life Coach, I tell it to my clients all the time. What is taught here on our BraveHeart site and what we share as womyn nurtures my soul. Womyn were designed to gather. I listen to the ancient voices within that tell me all the time…. “gather the womyn and share and receive”.
Anthony and I are creating what we design as a couple. No moving backward, just breathing forward…
And so it is, with EASE.