Today I am MAD, HEARTBROKEN and mostly SCARED.
Today I feel so much internal pain the horror of yesterday's killing of 50 people in Orlando Fl.
I know that is real not a nightmare or something the news media has embellished.
My heart has no understanding and sends tears to my eyes and I feel the need to sob and breathe and dance (DYBO) and yell.
My mind is not so kind and I want to look out there and blame someone else. I want to blame our politicians especially one of them, our lobbyists. I want answers. I want someone to take responsibility and say this will never happen again and yet my knowing tells me it will.
I feel fear raising up and want to demand who can put a stop to this now, today, immediately, tell me their name now. I know that this what hate does.
The words to a song I don’t even know the name of come to me “I want to scream and shout and let it all out".
I ask myself what do I want to scream about and I breathe and I listen.
I realize again that anger and blame are natural by-products and yet I have learned they rarely work even when they feel good and my righteous indignation wants to lead . I know however that violence like this is not created over night someone saws the signs and did nothing.
I see again that nothing is ever promised and that today is the day.
That there are parts of me needing my compassion, my love and I will have them come sit with me and I will comfort them. I want to hug the family members and tell them that I am so sorry knowing there is nothing I can do to assist them their with their pain.
I know that there is nothing out there, its all within me and there are parts of me that would love to lead, to be the strongest energy so I will call on them.
There is a light within me that is so wise, so forgiving and knows that it is eternal .
I will leave you with this quote by Lin-Manuel Mirando.