Yesterday I experienced DYBO bliss.I woke up and allowed a lioness oomph and moved into DYBO and experienced a day of flowing ease and productivity.Then, this morning DYBO turned on me (how dare she).I woke up as a crabby patty and began DYBO with the EXPECTATION of getting the results I received yesterday.To my surprise (well only part of me was surprised) there was resistance.I felt like I was going through the motions. I was able to recognize some buts' to do a little unravel and release. I enjoyed the restore and when it came to the rejoice and recalibrate I was not feeling it at all.It was like trying to get into a groove and then just saying "f" it.
I went through 2 rounds of 5-minute self-esteem builder DYBO in this fashion.Then I stopped and went into a small pity party.I didn't stay there long because I made myself some breakfast and a nutritious smoothie to show myself some patience and love. I pulled my journal out to reflect on what was different about this morning compared to yesterday morning.Then it hit me.Today started at 4am with a phone call for a strategy session I had accidently scheduled at 4am instead of 4pm.I rescheduled the call and realized that this was the second time I rescheduled this call due to my challenges. I returned to sleep and then the phone rang again, this time it was 8am and it was my mother.She was crying because she is now in long-term/custodial care at a facility and wants to go home.Since she has a severe infection requiring intravenous antibiotics, cannot sit up or walk she requires 24 hour care. I listened to her and felt helpless and tried to "fix it" even though I knew what she really needed was for me to accept how she was feeling. I see that I contracted in that moment and couldn't accept how she was feeling because I couldn't accept how I was feeling. I sat up in fix-it/rescue mode and call the facility to see if staff could check on her and I returned to sleep for another 30 minutes.
Next I got up and expected DYBO to solve my problems (I crack myself up).
After journaling and reflecting on my morning I realized that DYBO didn't have a change.The process of doing DYBO did exactly what I needed it to do.It exposed a deeper distortion.I am so glad I allowed time to journal and ask myself empowering questions, like:
1. What was different about today's DYBO experience
2. Why was it difficult to rejoice and recalibrate
3. What do I need right now to feel whole
Once I received the answers I realized that I needed to allow myself to be sad for my mom and myself. To allow the anger to express knowing she and I both feel stuck. I require to stay with these feelings, to express them with tears, screams, sighs and movement. When I am ready to move from release to rejoice, and then rejoice to recalibrate I will know it.I don't have to do it in a 5 minute segment.Today I am choosing to identify the tool(s) that are the best fit for my needs. I am slowing DYBO down and stepping into the Female Blossoming Experience tools. I choose to honor what I need today to shift from surviving energy to thriving energy, from feeling like a victim to courageously honoring my experience. I am willing to release the blocks and allow my feeling to flow in this moment.
I will live to DYBO another day and I will listen to what she has to teach me.