Why are we holding back? This question brought to my mind all the times I held back in life.
My story is that my childhood was easy. I played, I dreamed, I learned. School was easy.
Friendships were easy. Until puberty. My mom warned me about being too smart and what she thought boys wanted. I raised my hand in school less frequently. I became self-conscious. I toned down my brilliance.
Fortunately, the light returned in college and life returned to fullness. I began to explore what was true for me versus what I was taught to be socially appropriate or holy. I questioned roles, religion and authority. I developed my own inner compass.
I did not learn about the shadow or projection until much later in life. I did not know how much I abandoned my own self. I thought I knew myself. And now I would say I knew as much as I had opened to. Blind spots stay blind until we feel safe.
One thing I noticed along the way was how much suffering there was in the world. So many broken hearts from divorced families or failed relationships. So many people self medicating with alcohol, sex, shopping, working, or drugs. Over working was my fix. I could acknowledge it but did not see the imbalance between work and play, doing and being. I was not aware of the many programs I was following unconsciously or how much of myself I was holding back.
Healing to me means acknowledging my wholeness. I felt whole as a child, disconnected through the teen years, and began to return to wholeness in college. Every decade brings more insights. It was only after I retired from a librarian career that I needed to connect to wholeness again.
The last seven years have been an exploration of the feminine. What does that mean? I discovered that most every part of life has been defined through male eyes, history, research, rules, and authority. As more women are educated and lead in their professions, different viewpoints are emerging. Women as relational thinkers are offering new solutions, behaviors, and perspectives that open women to claiming wholeness. More women are not afraid to speak their truth even if it isn’t pretty.More women are sharing how they transformed their stories of abuse, illness, poverty, and self-abandonment into discovering their divine purpose.
Looking at my life story, I did not have to overcome major personal adversity I am an optimist and do not buy in to complaining or gossiping. I remain open to uncovering the unconscious blocks to my full expression. I catch myself holding back from sharing the goodness in my life. The name Purity came to me at the BraveHeart Women’s Female Blossoming Model training. My first thoughts were about people judging me for whatever Purity brings up. Then I wondered why I was judging Purity. The meaning of purity is freedom from anything that debases, contaminates, pollutes. Freedom from spiritual or moral defilement. As I sat with Purity, I realized without right or wrong, without judgements, everything and everyone is Purity. Why would I want to hold back from Purity? If my gift is to embody Purity, then let it Ripple in every direction. So be it.