Sometimes, a diamond is not forever, and 'till death do us apart' does not happen. People fall apart, grow out of love, and start having irreparable differences. They get divorced. And then?
And then, life moves on. You still have dreams and ambitions – maybe even children and a career. Sooner or later, you may also have another great love in your life. The point is that your heart still beats, and your mind still thinks.
Divorce is not the end of the world.
Most individuals break down terribly after a divorce. While some manage to recover and walk tall once again, many of us find it hard to get up and take charge of our lives. Try and look at it this way: Your divorce is that unexpected challenge of your life that will transform you in incredible ways. It is like parenthood. Only this time, you need to become a parent and a friend to yourself. Nurture yourself, celebrate your new-found identity, your independence, and this new journey of your life. Besides, whenever you miss your partner or the security of marriage, recall good old 'Eat Pray Love.' Would you be happy spending your entire life miserable but together? You know the answer.
The following reasons will further help you understand how divorce becomes inevitable sometimes, and how it can also be your
opportunity to find yourself again!
It's Not About 'HIM' Anymore
As the years of a marriage goes by, we start living our lives centered around our partner, what his wishes are, and what he likes and dislikes. In this process of assimilation and dilution, everything unknowingly and unintentionally becomes centered around him. Your partner becomes the fulcrum around which your pendulum swings. And believe me, the same happens to him, too. Your role as a wife and a mother takes over your individuality.
When divorce happens, that center is shaken and finally removed. Take this time to start seeing yourself again, not merely as a wife, but as an confident, assertive individual who has preferences and opinions. Before you blanket yourself in sorrow and self-pity, take a moment to consider and evaluate your situation. Use this as an opportunity to pay heed to yourself, and act in your interests and benefits. This may feel odd to you in the beginning, but soon, a new kind of positivity and energy will enter your life. You will slowly unravel, and discover a hidden version of yourself. Accept and love this new-found you.
This process will be slow, troubling, scary, and mystifying, but in the end, you will emerge a stronger and wiser person.
Charter Your Own Financial Plan
Finances are one aspect that many women do not actively participate in post-marriage. There are exceptions, but mostly, the man takes over the investments, financial plans in a family, even when both partners are working and earning money. Undergoing a divorce compels you to take a good, hard look at your finances. When we spoke to
reputed Jacksonville divorce attorney about this phenomena, he said, "Division of assets, businesses, loans, mortgage, and property are a big part of divorce. Joint possessions, individual income sources, social security benefits, spousal support, child support, and complete disclosure of assets by both parties are usually points of conflict in a divorce. It is important to ensure that women consult their attorney constantly during the divorce and secure their financial future optimally."
Divorce automatically brings financial constraints. From a two-income household, you become a one-income household. Finances need to be tackled smartly, and concrete planning has to be made. You will have to take care of present investments and plan future investments, all while keeping in mind that you will need a constant source of income. This becomes even more important if you have been a stay-at-home spouse. Divorce unintentionally makes you a lot more aware of your finances, and in turn, makes you financially independent, stronger, and more confident.
Value the Stress-Free, Happy Moments with Your Child
Being in a rough marital relationship affects all of your other relationships negatively, too. Kids are the most affected during a divorce, since kids are also adversely affected seeing parents quarrel constantly.
When there is turbulence between the husband and wife, the tension permeates to the kids, too.Women do accept that, because of their marital turbulence, they are not being able to concentrate on their kids properly, either.
Divorce, over a period of time, puts an end to those marital woes. With the custody issues resolved, you can finally spend quality time with your kids.
Make up for the fights and the trauma that your child has undergone by being affectionate, getting to know him or her better, and indulging in activities and hobbies that both of you enjoy. Taking a vacation with your child is a good idea, too. Not only will you both bond big time, but it will also give you much needed time away from all of the mess.
But, don't over indulge or lax the discipline in your child, owing to guilt. Routine and discipline are of utmost importance to children, especially when they are younger. Shower love and affection on your children, but don't spoil them.
Take Inventory of Your Mistakes, and Set Them Straight
In daily course of life, home, work, husband, children, and so much more keeps a woman completely occupied. While whirling through this maze, little do we realize what mistakes we are committing everyday. From simply neglecting one's health to not being around when our friends needed us, or not paying attention to or fulfilling our career goals or duties of a socially responsible citizen, we are guilty of carelessness, apathy, and gross injustice to ourselves and our near and dear ones.
The divorce itself could be an accumulated result of these irrevocable mistakes of both of the partners. When a divorce happens, you can either tumble down the staircase of life, or use it as an opportunity to grow and mature. Start doing the latter by
introspecting on all of the mistakes that you have committed over the years. Devote your time and energy to find ways and means to rectify these mistakes, and prevent them from recurring. Challenge yourself everyday. Push yourself find happiness within, instead of seeking outward.
For these reasons, divorce can be a moment of crisis, desperation, and unbearable pain. It's probably the greatest grief that you may ever face. But, when you choose to remain strong and focused through these trying times, you will emerge a happier, more self-assured, matured and balanced person. You will not want to turn back the clock and relive your pre-divorce years of sorrow, conflict, and obscurity. Be brave: Make the right choices for yourself.