I appreciate you allowing me to post this on here, I just feel at my wits end!
I'm kinda at a point in my life where I'm thinking why am I still friends with this person!
've been friends with this person since 2006, so it will be 10 years in August, this person was always there for me when I needed them, mainly when I was with my violent ex and all the way up until 2014. Now a little bit of info, I'm a mam of three, 30 year old and live with my husband.
My friend who works as a temp in various positions but they either do day shifts or night shifts with a few days of in between etc. Please don't think I'm a nutter or thinking "jeez, this person has a life too etc"!
This person has really upset me lately, to the fact I'm ready to hand in the towel with our friendship, this is where I want to ask you lovely mums what you would do in this position or have you experienced anything like this before?
My friend is a god parent to my kids and we used to meet up every other weekend, so the kids could catch up etc, which was great, but then he got a girlfriend and that all changed, as it would do, but then no matter how often we would send the odd text to see how that person was or did they fancy meeting for a coffee etc we never heard anything for over 6-8 months etc. Then he would break up with that said girlfriend and regularly meet (yet again as it would do)
Everytime he wanted to meet up, or we arranged to meet up, we would have to travel 25 mile up the road to pick him up, bring him to our house then drop him back off, so overall a 100 mile trip in the car. The whole time he would be at our house he would just use our wifi and socialise with people / new girlfriends and basically ignore us, eat all our food, drink our beer, sleep on the sofa and then come into our room and say to us at 7am would you mind dropping me off for 9am back in such and such a place as either A) so and so wants to meet for lunch, B) I have work at 9pm and I need some sleep before hand. Regardless of the fact my husband had done over 300 miles that week with work including the 100 on top of getting the friend etc.
So I got married to my now husband in March 2015 and he gave me away at the wedding, which was great and although yet again we had to go and get him and drop him off the following day, great start to married life, he never had money to get the bus/train home etc, that would always be his excuse. At first I felt sorry for him being on an 0 hour contract etc.
The said friend came and watched the kids over night for us, so me and the husband could go and see Wicked the Musical in April (our honeymoon gift, and a night in a hotel!) which we appreciated!
Then after the wedding in March he was like you know where I am if you need me, I'm always there for you, for you both, if you need me, even if it's at the drop of a hat then I'm here.
I had a Laparoscopy done in August last year and nearly died due to the consultant puncturing one of my organs, after the operation, I rang the husband to tell him what had happened, bare in mind I have three kids: 8, 6 and 4 and the husband rang our friend to say that he needed him to watch the kids and that it was an emergency, that he only had until 9pm when visiting hours closed, time then was (7.30pm) and he said he couldn't get there, unless the husband could come and pick him up, obviously that would of meant he wouldn't of been able to get there in time, the husband said can you get a taxi down and i'll pay for your taxi and he's like sorry bud i just can't. So obviously I never knew nothing about this until after I got home, the husband then rang his brother who has diabetes (yes more on that further on) who was in the middle of doing his rounds on the buses, he stopped his route and rang through to the radio control and told them he needed someone to take over, and he got across to ours in 30 mins and took control of the kids so the husband could come and see me. In the week I came home, the friend hadn't even bothered to come and visit me, to see how I was, like he said he would do after I'd had my op, but to be honest I was in so much pain and tired I didn't give two sh*ts then.
So then we went back to seeing this friend as and when he pleased, then in December he met up with his father, who he hadn't seen since he was little and yes I know it's a big thing etc and found out he has extended family too! Which I am really pleased about, really I am, but we are getting treated like we did when he had girlfriends.
He keeps ringing me up out of the blue to ask how I am, so I'm like oh I'm fine / I'm tired / doing housework / just back from school run / about to do the school run e.t.c and he's like oh that's good, I'm absolutely knackered I'm heading back to bed, chat to you later and hangs up on me and I'm like what f*ck was the point in that phone call GRRRR!!! He's 33 he's not a kid, although he's acting like one. He even had the cheek to say something really harsh about my son, he rang up one day asked how his behaviour had been, as my middle child was going through a rough time at the old school, but now we have moved he's calmed down. He just came out with, well he's a little twat what do you expect! None the less I cut the phone call short that day, made some excuse and hung up.
My husband suggested when he's off in June at the beginning why don't me and him go away for a few nights, just me and him, as we really haven't had time to ourselves in the 7 years that we have been together, to me just us two and not mam or dad. So we asked our friend out of curiosity are you up for a challenge? he was like depends what it is, so we told him and he was like sure that's fine, after all your telling me now in April and it's not till June, will book the time off tomorrow at work, confirm it with you before you book etc. So once we had confirmation we booked and paid for it £203 for two nights in a Haven caravan up in Scotland. Felt like I had something good to look forward to as lately I've been struggling alot with stress, anxiety and depression.
A few weeks ago he messaged me on facebook asking me why in all the times that me and the husband have needed a break, why was he always the one looking after them?? (all the time? the last time me and the husband had a break was 4 april 2015 ) why not the brother in law, in all the time he's known us he's never saw the brother in law help out why is it always him, and I told him, that's not the case, it's not like we are out every weekend/month, we ask him a favour once every 12 months, or in this case 14 months. Told him that the brother in law used to be there for us helping out every weekend, looking after the kids while we did our food shop or while we went and did a bit of christmas shopping etc (when I might add when the friend was in a relationship with a girl, not that he would of noticed that we asked the brother in law for help, as he never replied or responded to us) . I explained that the brother in law used to help us out alot, but in the past 12 months he's been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and struggles and I can't have him looking after kids, If he was to go into a fit or something my kids aren't going to know what to do are they? That shut him up.
Final thing, I promise....
Our daughter's birthday was last week, the week before it I asked our friend if he would be attending as the new house was only a short ride from his house, compared to the old place for her birthday celebrations, he told me he had already made plans as he was going out clubbing on the saturday night with his new family and he would be hungover. Obviously the morning of the party he rang up, I answered and all I got was put her on. He spoke to her, she didn't look impressed and then she passed the phone to me, to tell me ok i'm off to bed i'm hungover i need sleep. So when I said it was self inflicted he stormed off and hung up.
He then rang up later on that day around 5pm to ask me it's definitely the 3rd June you need me to watch the kids isn't it, I said aye, why like, his reply: Oh just so I can book the time off!!!!! Time off!!! Is he taken the piss? sorry like but my response was, hang on you haven't booked the time off, you said that you had, what happens if they can't give you the time off, that means we have lost £200 and he's like you won't man, you'll get it back! No we won't
So then the next day he's like definitley got the time off, what time will you be picking me up on the friday as im on nights on the thursday and I don't finsh till friday morning 7am, so if you can, pick me up 9am, so I was like hang on, what about your motorbike you bought two months ago, he's like oh it's not road worthy yet. So what time will you be picking me up?
Obviously my husband has spoken to him about this, but I'm foaming! I'm literally 3 and a half weeks away from the weekend away and I shouldn't be stressing but I am, I need this break but at the same time I'm dreading it.
Am I right to be pissed off?
Have you been in the same boat before?
Sorry for the long rant, but just needed to let it all off my chest!