I know you like me have felt this emotion at least once in your life. For me this emotion did not feel good and I wanted to get rid of it, bury it, anything but feel it. It felt shameful to choose to feel ashamed. Yet there it still was waving its little hand like a naughty child wanting attention and allowing more shameful events to take place. You think “you’re all that”, you think people actually listen to you? You think you’re smart enough for this?……………………….well take that! Shame would say.
So many shameful moments, for not speaking up, for speaking up, for telling stupid lies like i can’t go because I am sick (not because I don’t want to). Shame for leaving a situation, shame for staying, shame for gossiping, so much shame.
And yet this vibration is such a teacher so wise in its vibration allowing me to know I am off course and just need to adjust my sails. It never was vicious and I had just believed it to be so.
I was speaking with one my clients this week, her life on the outside looked like a dream, she speaks 4 languages, she is a world traveler, coaching people to live their dream life, she is a seasoned world wide public speaker and yet she carried this underlying vibration of shame.
You see she did not leave her last job in the way she tells others in her talks. She did leave not of her own accord in fact she had been made redundant. Right out of college she had been hand picked by a fountune 500 company and rose very quickly as their international star. At 27 years old she sat with peers twice her age with more education, money and experience yet THEY looked to HER. Everyone told her how lucky she was, what a role model and admitted to be secretly jealous. Yet inside my client was dying, her shame for not feeling what others were feeling was the strongest vibration leading her to become bulimic. She hated this job, she felt shameful. How could she admit this to everyone this, wasn’t she one of the lucky ones? Anytime she talked about changing her path she was met with "your crazy," "your just stressed," "if I had your opportunity"………………………. so she stayed. The bulimia ruled her life and the shame led the way.
At 28 years old her company restructured and she was offered a job in another department immediately however instead of accepting it she went on vacation and in her absence she was fired for non compliance. Shame led the way into her next steps so she made up a story to tell her clients, her audience, she told them that she was courageous and had left that job at 28 years old to seek her new life she is living. More shame led the way.
During our session this week, that vibration was transformed from seeing shame as a weakness to seeing its wisdom and gifts. How it was guiding her all along yet not in the way her mind thought. I am looking forward to hearing her new introduction.
So go ahead feel your shame its ok. Shame is beautiful if we allow her to be. Shame is a friend that will never leave you nor do you want her too. However, mentally you can deny her, sweep her under the rug or embrace her feeling fully so you can re-direct your course.
There is no good or bad only the absence of the present moment.