I can remember when I was very ill after my daughter was born feeling very guilty about this disease that I apparently had attracted. I would go to doctors, healers etc and for some reason when I was not responding to any treatments. I would be told in many ways from each healer that somehow this was my fault. If I would just calm down, eat better, love myself, release a past life... the list was endless, then I would get better. Perhaps some of the above statements had some truth in them and yet I found that they were not helpful or loving towards me. My guilt over whelmed me and of course then my body could not calm down.
"What are you attracting,” always felt like a judgement statement to me and I wonder how it became a catch all phrase. Yet I will not spent energy in the “how” only what has allowed me to move forward.
Dr. Smith from Atlanta Infectious Disease was the first person to look at me 4 years later and say "no wonder you are so dismayed and overwhelmed you have Betchet disease, which is an extremely rare illness. However lets now work on getting you better." He had no judgement only compassion for me which allowed for my body to relax and the opening appeared, wellness was now the strongest energy leading and now I am symptom free from an incurable disease and use no medication.
During this time I also signed up for Braveheart Women and Bill Harris’s Holosync which opened me up to a new a new awareness of my breathing patterns allowing for yet another opening within myself.
The disease in my body started leaving as quickly as it has appeared and yet those words “How did you attract this” haunted me and filled me with fear at times as I knew I could not go back to living with such a ill and painful body.
Wonderment became my next step in my journey so for 2 years I used the phrase “will the real me stand up” to guide me. I would ask this question to myself throughout the day. Would the real me: say this, be quiet, lie in bed, not exercise/swim, eat this food etc, and I would breathe and listen to my “knowing” my inner wisdom.
Yet those words of judgement “how did you attract this” would lurk in the background waiting like a bad memory.
So I asked my inner wisdom if there was any truth to “how did you attract to this” statement and the answer was “no”.
I sat and listened for further guidance and this what what I heard was "change the question, sense into what are you attracted too, not what are you attracting."
Arthur Joseph from Vocal Awareness, says when the body hears the truth it breathes in acknowledgement of that truth and mine allowed a guttural gasp it felt like I was releasing too much water that had been stored in my lungs. My body then laughed with joy and full knowing and expansion. True Freedom opened up inside of me and my heart sang.
What am I attracted too? Perhaps on some level I was attracted to an illness as just about everyone in my family is in the medical profession/healer and illnesses got their attention. They would debate whether nettle soup works over a visit from the doctor (the doctor used to make home visits). However I sense I was attracted to some victimhood I had grown up in a very violent war in Belfast which had caused a lot of fear in me. I know now I not attracted to any wars, nor am I attracted to peaceful demonstrations. I am attracted to people who open up to true awareness creating harmony within themselves I would suggest writing letters to children in war torn states, adopt a family or sending money.
I now make a list of what I am attracted too and which are the leading energies I am allowing, e.g. of course I am attracted to joy and yet my life may not feel joy filled so I ask what am I most attracted to right now and without judgement I listened or write the answer and the truth always sets me free.
I am attracted to candles, music, strength , organic food, essential oils, clients that choose to allow the real them to be remembered, red underwear and women who aren’t afraid to wear it, authenticity, vulnerability, solution makers, truth tellers, the color purple, peace within myself, thrillers, water, trees, financial happiness, kindness and so much more.
So what are you attracted to?
Listen and set yourself free!
Here's to freedom and questions for all!!!