Recently we've had some shocking public incidents ranging from a Congressman yelling "You lie" to the President in Congress, to Kanye West's treatment of Taylor Swift and Serena Williams outburst at a line judge. These incidents are extreme and we haven't seen examples like them in public before, and certainly not so many so quickly.
The basis of society is respectful treatment of each other, obeying the written laws and unwritten norms based on the Golden Rule.
How can we understand what is going on, and of course, work to improve civility so that we can treat each other respectfully, even when we disagree?
I have been reading The Civility Solution: What do Do When People Are Rude by P.M. Forni. He has many good reasons for the decline in civility, especially a society where we lack the strong sense of unified community to condemn rude behavior and an increasingly materialistic attitude, where people don't count.
However one of the things he talked about at length was how people who are rude, if it's not just thoughtlessness, believe they have been, are or will be treated unfairly. He doesn't say it, but I think they also feel inadequate to deal with the situation. They are taking a victim posture or are like a child having a tantrum.
When people feel treated unjustly, whether correctly or not, they feel entitled to complain or retaliate. It need not even be to the source of their injustice. Plenty of spouses and cats will attest to receiving anger meant for the boss.
I've started a discussion in The Relationship Dance on how to respond to rudeness of different types. Here I wondered what you think are the reasons for the lack of civility we so often see. Do you think things are worse than twenty years ago (if some of you can remember that far )? What can be done about it?
Have you ever noticed how you understand the same saying in new ways at different stages of your life? Recently I've had an unusually large amount of work, but one particular project was really taxing my brain. "Why does it have to be so hard?" came to mind. Then immediately I remembered something that had illuminated things for me long ago, but now I saw another aspect.
Years ago I was taking my oral exam for my Ph.D. Three professors were on the committee. One I considered a tough, cold fish and I was a little scared of him. Another seemed a pleasant, if distant man, and I had no idea of what to expect from him. The third was my mentor, for whom I'd been a research assistant. The fact that he was in the room gave me a sense of comfort in a scary situation.
I was totally shocked when my mentor gave me the hardest questions, and then pressed me with harder follow-up questions. As I waited outside the room to find out if I'd passed, I was really upset that someone I'd trusted had tried to undermine me.
After they came out and told me I'd passed, I got aside with my mentor and said "Why did you do that?!!" He said, "I know you. If it had been too easy, you wouldn't have felt you'd accomplished anything." I had to agree, but said it need not have been that hard. I thought that after all, you want some challenge or a game is no fun, but then, if it's too steep a challenge, it's more stress than fun.
Fast forward many years. He had my number. I realized that I still believe that if it's not really challenging, I don't feel like I've accomplished much. Perhaps I've been attracting and choosing the very challenges another part of me doesn't want. I have decided I want challenges I can handle with ease, but aren't easy. My new affirmation is "I handle challenges with ease and enjoyment." I will also easily incorporate it!
Do you know why many people who have a disability don't want to be called handicapped or disabled people? They want to be called people with a disability. Thus, not "she is dyslexic," but "she has dyslexia."
Language guides our thinking. Most people with disabilities don't want to be thought of as their disability, the disability then becomes the most important aspect of their identity. They are more than that.
I was thinking about how we say "I am angry," rather than "I have anger.*" Of course, we also say "I'm happy, peaceful," etc., but we are more than our emotions, although when we're in the grip of strong ones, it sometimes doesn't feel that way. It's not that emotions are disabilities, but that we linguistically and psychologically may identify with them.
However, meditation and spiritual teachers teach us to identify with the observer who watches the experience of the emotion much like a mother regards a crying baby, with gentle love, acceptance and care. If she identifies with the child and gets upset herself, she’s no help to the child. Nor is she a help if she gets upset at the child for feeling the way it does. Only if she calmly observes and accepts what is going on in the child is she able to be helpful.
Our emotional children inside of us need the same loving acceptance. Although it may sometimes feel like it, it’s good to remember we’re not that emotional child now. We are way more than that, even as with acceptance, it informs and enrichs our lives.
NonViolent Communication (see the Resource Directory in document files of The Relationship Dance) teaches us to comfort ourselves first in any difficult situation. That not only recognizes and calms those feelings, it reminds us that we’re capable of taking the larger, observer position.
This is something I'm still working on, but there are many resources that help me with it, and most are listed in the Resource Directory. Mostly, I try to stay positive, grounded, and in my body, and check that throughout the day. Prosperity breathing helps, too. What do you do?
I recently posted a topic in The Relationship Dance prompted by a friend being very disappointed to find someone she had liked had been manipulative in what appeared a deliberate attempt to hurt someone else. The question was, how do you manage to separate the action from the person? I’ve discovered that different methods work better for different people, and sometimes different methods work better at different times for the same person. That’s why I like to get as many approaches as possible, and the Dancers helped me. You can see some of our Dancers’ wisdom on this topic.
Personally, just one method won’t work for me. For situations where I’m not personally hurt, but tempted to judge, my experience driving in the Boston area was a real help. You may have heard that Boston drivers are among the worst. That’s judgmental, but I can say that a significant number disregard traffic laws, lights and signs. When I first moved to Boston, my hands hurt just from clenching the steering wheel so hard, given that I was in a state of terror much of the time.
Then one day something came over me that allowed me to sit back and watch with the feeling “Isn’t that amazing? Wow, I can’t believe he did that!” This was not a judgmental perspective, more one of amused and detached interest and observation. My hands stopped hurting, my shoulders relaxed, and I felt a lot better.
I realized that my judgments and anger at the drivers had really hurt me. Increasingly, I’ve come to notice that every time I have a judgmental thought about someone not directly threatening me that I feel bad. This alone allows me to drop it, because I remember how much better it feels to be in the detached observer state. I don't feel good being a (potential) victim, and even the superiority of judging isn't enjoyable because I feel the anger and separation in it, the constriction of a frozen heart. That doesn't feel as good as the warmth of love and connection.
However, when I am threatened, when the adrenaline kicks in, detachment doesn't seem possible. Then, depending on the situation, I often do Ho’oponpono, (see the Resource Directory in The Relationship Dance) which reminds me that what is bothering me in the other person is also in me, since I’m also a human, and gives me something to do while I calm down. If I have plenty of time and a major issue, I do Byron Katie’s The Work, especially the “Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet.” I’m also adding in Ellie’s Vagus Nerve Breathing method from the Prosperity Hormone calls.
It often helps to remember that I have in some way attracted the situation, through carelessness or a lowered vibration, or even that there is simply something positive I'll get out of it I can't understand yet.
This happened when I was alone in an airport van parked on the side of the road in a snowstorm and the van was rear ended, giving me a bit of whiplash. I called my sister, whom I was going to visit, and asked her to find a chiropractor or craniosacral therapist for me. When I got to my sister's, we went straight there, and I got straightened out. The insurance of the driver at fault paid for the visit.
The good that came of it was that the chiropractor we saw turned out to be very helpful to my sister, and she probably never would have encountered him, had he not been the only one available at that time.
Now, of course, I have even more resources from my fellow Relationship Dancers, but I like to add to my resources. What helps you get out of judgment and thaw your heart?
Kelly came to me panicked. For financial reasons, she had limited time to finish her dissertation, but the chair of her committee was acting as if she hated Kelly, refusing to talk with her, one of the other members was unavailable, while the third was siding with the chair!
As a former professor in a field related to Kelly's, I saw that Kelly had a good topic and reasonable approach that only needed some modifications. However, Kelly said that Alice, the chair, was refusing to help Kelly when Kelly went to her for guidance and accusing Kelly of wanting Alice to "do it for her" when Kelly tried to get help and feedback.
Kelly was at her wit's end. She had chosen her committee purely for their connections, which she hoped would help her in getting a job. While that was a consideration, she might have done better with a mix of people who really wanted to nurture students and those who had connections. Kelly said she had to finish the first part of her dissertation before she could get a new committee, and she had some people in mind. So the problem was, in Kelly's mind, how to appease the dragon (Alice) so she could escape.
Kelly had also chosen Alice because Alice had given Kelly straight A's on all her papers when Kelly had been in her classes, albeit with lots of criticisms. Kelly, a busy single mother, had done these papers pretty quickly, and was a bit surprised to get such good grades. That made her think that with more effort, she'd do really well with Alice. She couldn't understand what had happened.
Kelly had good social skills and reported tactful communications with Alice, so that led me to think of trait behavior. Fortunately, Alice had written a lot on Kelly's typed papers, and I had Kelly write me a sample write of her own immediately. When I saw it, I started laughing. It was so clear what the major problem was.
Kelly was an Interactive Thinker and Alice was her opposite, a Quiet Thinker. These traits are behind an enormous number of misunderstandings at work and at home. A trait is a habitual way of perceiving and behaving, and we assume that however we see and behave is the normal, right way to do it. "Normal is what I am."
Interactive Thinkers, like Kelly, need to develop their ideas through interaction, usually with others, but sometimes by writing (many drafts). They have to get their ideas out in the air to formulate, develop and screen them -- to figure out which ideas are worth further work and which should be dropped.
Quiet Thinkers do this entire process in their heads. They never say a word until they have the idea in its final form, ready for implementation. In meetings, they don't say a word until they've decided exactly what should be done, and when they say something, they mean they are ready to do it NOW.
Each trait has it's positive and negative side, depending on the situation. (You can read more about that in the chapter I've put in the document files in The Relationship Dance.) However, it's always a difficult situation when you are dealing with someone with the opposite trait and don't recognize what's going on!
Now it was clear to me why Alice viewed Kelly as asking Alice to Kelly's work. Alice, as a Quiet Thinker, fully developed all her ideas by herself in her head, and never mentioned them until they were ready for implementation. Alice worked everything out by herself before presenting it, and when she presented it, she felt she'd done her best and people should act on it or react to it.
Kelly mentioned ideas when they were in the seed stage, where ideas sometimes can look strange, and wanted to talk about them. Interactive thinkers love batting ideas around, and sometimes it's not clear that those ideas are directly relevant to the issue at hand.
Alice would think that Kelly had half baked ideas and wanted Alice to complete them for her. She probably thought Kelly was incompetent and wasting Alice's time. After all, any normal person (like Alice) wouldn't present something until it was complete and ready for action. Alice would not want to develop her ideas by talking to anyone else. Presenting an idea before it was ready for prime time is, to a Quiet Thinker, lazy, irresponsible, or stupid. (When people don't do things they way we would, we tend to assume the worst reasons for their behavior.)
Kelly didn't want Alice to get Kelly's ideas ready for implementation, she just wanted Alice to listen, bat ideas around with her, and tell her when she was off track. Interactive Thinkers also need Quiet Thinkers to help keep them focused and on track.
When you understand trait behavior, people with opposite traits are actually helpful to each other. For example, Interactive Thinkers can help Quiet Thinkers by pointing out possibilities they might not have considered, and Interactive Thinkers often are good at long term planning.
When Kelly had submitted those papers she'd thought weren't really fully ready, they'd been presented to Alice as fully ready, so Alice believed Kelly had done it right by presenting something fully worked out (her way) and Alice would comment on them. Kelly had never asked Alice to discuss the papers while they were in progress.
It was now clear what Kelly needed to do: only present Alice with products that appeared finished for comment. But Kelly desperately wanted someone to talk with. She'd always talked with a friend before, but the friend had died the previous year.
She couldn't think of anyone who would be appropriate, until she suddenly remembered a neighbor of hers, a professor in a related field, who had seemed very interested in Kelly's topic. She could interact with Kelly so that Kelly could feel comfortable in developing her ideas before she went to her committee and just ask them for their reactions to a finished product.
Now Kelly understood what she needed to succeed. She plans on asking the neighbor for some time and looking for other people with similar interests for interaction. For her new committee, she'll will choose at least one Interactive Thinker.
There are many aspects to these traits. They also explain people's different reactions to and behavior in meetings, and why some people love meetings and others hate them.
You can read more about these traits in the document files on The Relationship Dance, where I've posted the entire chapter from our book, Trait Secrets.
I’ve recently realized some great ways to boost the effectiveness of affirmations. One of techniques I’ve used for other purposes can enhance the effectiveness of affirmations. In addition,this technique protects you from negative influences on your energy field, helps you to center, and promotes a feeling of confidence. I’m going to put a brief review, a sort of Affirmations 101, at the bottom of the page, so this will assume you know the basics of how to use affirmations.
One exciting addition I only just realized was relevant is the “zip up” energy technique, taught by energy practitioners, especially Donna Eden in her Energy Medicine. From the book:
“When you are feeling sad or vulnerable, the central meridian, the energy pathway that governs your central nervous system, can be like a radio receiver that channels other people’s negative thoughts and energies into you. It’s as if you are open and exposed.
The central meridian runs like a zipper from your pubic bone up to your bottom lip, and you can use the electromagnetic and more subtle energies of your hands to “zip it up.” Pulling your hands up the central meridian draws energy along the meridian line.”
The Zip Up will help protect your from negative energies, increase your confidence, focus your thinking, and instill new beliefs.
Along the lines of instilling new beliefs, you can also use it to zip the affirmation into every cell in your body.
1. Stand feet hip width apart. Breath deeply the whole time, in through your nose, out through your mouth. It you know how to do Ellie's Prosperity breathing, that's great, too.
2. Tap your collarbone K27 points (which are indentations on your collarbones a bit further out than where your lips end, going straight down) about 10 times. Not an essential step, but good in case your energy is not flowing well. I couldn't figure out how to place the picture showing them right here.
3. Place your hand at the bottom of your central meridian, which is located at your pubic bone. Take a deep breath in as you simultaneously move your hand, either touching your body or a couple inches away from it as you move upward, tracing the meridian to your bottom lip. .
4. Exhale and return your hand to the pubic bone. (Don’t run your hand back down, you don’t want to unzip!) .
5. Repeat three to five times. Even once is helpful. .
6. As a nice finish on the final time (or if you just do it once), make a locking up motion and envision hiding the key. You are locking the belief/affirmation into your cells. After locking up, I like bring my hands straight up over my head and then out to the side and down. It’s a gesture that feels confident and celebratory, and as a bonus, helps you have great posture!. .
Zipping up is part of an energy routine that’s a great way to start your day. I’m posting a video here (the Zip starts at 7minutes 33 seconds) , with the basics, but a bit more written instruction can be found on The Relationship Dance. Personally, I love doing it all by itself during the day. Just try it and see if you feel different.
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I’ll give more advanced suggestions soon, but here are the Affirmation Basics:
You can watch Amy’s video, or review with these quick pointers:
1. Always state your affirmations in the positive. No negatives, “won’t do's” or “try.” Not "I will lose weight" -- weight is what you don't want, if you lose it, it's likely you'll find it again, and it's not specific. Rather "I am slim and healthy" or if you don't believe it, "I'm becoming slimmer and healthier every day."
2. It does help if it’s believable. If you inwardly rebel at the idea that you currently are as you wish to be, try saying “I am becoming more ___ every day,” for example.
3. Keep it brief and simple, but specific. It has to resonate or feel right to you, too.
4. Keep them in the present tense or set a time in the future by which it will be accomplished.
5. The more senses you can use in imaging the experience, the better--use sight, sound, smell, and touch.
6. It’s especially important to feel the emotions you’d feel.
7. First thing in the morning and/or at bedtime are the best times.
Whatever feels best for you is what you should do. If you like writing out affirmations, that’s a great way of creating new neural pathways. See my blog on the topic for ways to make written affirmations more effective.
When our kids are learning to walk, they fall down and sometimes even get hurt and cry, but we know it's a necessary part of learning to walk. It's only if they get really hurt that we might get concerned. Sometimes when they are learning to walk in adult life, it can be hard to see them take a nasty fall.
I've been so thrilled to watch my daughter find a way to view challenging situations in a positive light and turn them into gifts. Usually, she does this very quickly, but something very traumatic recently occurred from which she has not yet found the all gifts.
When it first happened, I was able to see the potential gifts, painful as the experience was, and feel grateful. However, as time went on, I realized that I was feeling strained by her pain. I tried my partner Judi's 13th row middle seat technique. This is where you imagine yourself in the best seat in the theater, 13th row middle seat, where you can see the entire stage and the actor's faces.
Life is like a play, everyone is scripting their own drama, and you wouldn't get out of the seat or even feel the need to help the actors unless they asked you up on the stage. It's their play, they get to write the script.
However, even recognizing this, I still wasn't feeling relaxed. Then my friend Andi asked me if I'd cut chords to my daughter. This is something I do all the time for clients who often experience incredible transformations. I had forgotten to do it with my daughter because I'd never felt the need (I didn't learn about chords till well after the terrible two's and teens, or I probably would have done it earlier!)
I did it immediately, and the relief I felt was amazing! I kept sighing and thanking Andi for reminding me.
It's so funny, I have cut chords before between myself and others, but I've never felt that level of immediate relief. I had been so energetically enmeshed with my daughter. Now I can relax and watch with compassionate interest from the 13th row middle seat.
I’m just back from two weeks of traveling, which included five days in gorgeous Killington, VT, where we presented our work in progress on relationships and personal vibration at the Dowsers’ Conference. However, even with the fascinating presentations, the coolest thing that happened was when one of the six women sharing a condo with me took a nasty fall.
“Jane” is in her mid seventies, and has fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, knee replacements, and, well you get the picture. She had tried to walk up a small, steep hill and fell backward to the parking lot pavement.
She was bleeding profusely, but happily two of us were nurses and ascertained she hadn’t broken anything. All of us but Jane were Reiki Masters, so when we got her back to the condo, one of the nurses dressed all her wounds with large gauze bandages she’d brought. Since I was the only EFTer in the group, I did EFT with Jane, and two of us did Reiki on her for about a half hour.
She then felt much better, but the cool thing was the next morning, she was not at all stiff or sore and was walking easily. Her wounds weren’t bleeding or oozing anymore and had scabbed over. She continued fine for the rest of the conference.
We all knew how powerful Reiki and EFT can be, but it was still thrilling to see it in such quick action on a person people would not expect to heal so rapidly. We'd only heard about another, more incredible, recovery from a much worse fall.
Last year, my partner, Judi (EndlessPossibilities) went to a hospital to do a healing on a 2 1/2 year old who’d fallen out a 2nd story window to the cement below and had traumatic brain injury, crushed skull on one side, and crushed eye.
The doctors did not expect much recovery, rebuilt his eye socket, extracted the bone slivers from his brain, put a plate in his head, and told his parents to expect he'd be a vegetable. He was paralyzed on one side, couldn't swallow, and was expected to be on a tube.
His mom contacted Judi, who went to the hospital three times a week for two weeks to treat him. After two weeks, he regained his swallow and some movement on the paralyzed side and was moved to a rehab facility. Judi visited to treat him three times a week for two weeks there. After two weeks, he was sent home, walking, talking, and with only a slightly droopy eye with perfect vision, and totally normal in behavior and abilities.
His brain scans still look like he should be a vegetable, but he's clearly not! His progress, and his mom’s lobbying, is getting the rehab facility to investigate developing a holistic center as part of their program. Now his fall now has the potential to help many people get up.
Sciencists say that you can’t really multitask. Sure you can walk and talk, and maybe even chew gum at the same time, but what they are talking about is attention, not those tasks you can do on automatic. You can just switch your attention more or less quickly from one thing to another.
Ok, so it just looks like multitasking when it’s really fast, but science has found some interesting things about your ability to quickly switch, and we’ll call it multitasking to make it easy. Clearly some people do it better than others. Women do it better, science shows, when having to listen to more than one thing at the same time, perhaps because we have a thicker corpus callossum connection. Women tend to be more accurate than men, while being just as productive, when they have to switch/multitask.
People between 20 and 40 are best at this. Kids, as any parent can attest, have a hard time keeping more than one thing in their mind at a time. They get so engrossed in the moment. Older people have trouble limiting the number of thoughts in their heads, perhaps because they have so many associations. However, individuals vary greatly in their abilities to multitask, regardless of age.
Handwriting does give clues to how good you are at being attentive to multiple cues, which is related. Piani and Company has worked with corporations for over thirty years, and we’ve noticed that there is a handwriting indicator that shows, unless there are counter signs in the writing, like slow writing, for example, how good a person is at multitasking.
That’s because to switch, you have to be aware that there’s something to switch to in the first place, be very aware of your whole environment. It’s like having a wide angle lens vs. a telephoto lens. Each lens has its advantages, depending on the situation and what you want to do about it, but for multitasking, you need the wide angle to notice what’s going on in your overall environment, not just the task at hand. The larger you write, in general, the wider your lens, and the more quickly you will be able to switch your attention, so the overall size of your writing is an important component of your multitasking quotient.
You may have noticed that when you are really concentrated on something, sometimes taking notes on a difficult subject, your writing may get smaller. You are devoting almost all your attention to what you are doing. You may have known some people who can be so engrossed in what they are doing that they won’t notice the house burning until their clothes catch fire. They write small or have been smoking something illegal.
However, take heart! Spiritual masters teach the importance of doing one thing at a time, being fully present in the moment, and you really can’t do that quickly, however good you are at multitasking. So multitasking may add to your efficiency at some tasks, but it won’t lead to bliss!
I’m off on a two week combination business/pleasure trip on the 31st, so I may not be able to reply to your comments quickly, but I will get back to you, one at a time.
Look at the t bars above. Do you have a sense of which of them indicates the writer will accomplish her goals?
You’ve probably noticed that your handwriting has changed over time, may change with your moods, and is like no one else’s. Handwriting is a direct reflection of your energy at the time you write, it reflects your emotions, your health, your personality traits, and your issues. Graphotherapy is a way of changing your life by changing your handwriting. While it’s complicated and shouldn’t be attempted by novices, there is one aspect of it that is easily applied to affirmations which can really boost their effectiveness.
You probably know how feeling or visualizing the affirmation as being the case right now adds power. You may even know that writing affirmations by hand at bedtime can boost effectiveness. However, how you write them can make a big difference. Just as speaking affirmations like you believe them programs your subconscious to think they are already the case, writing them that way works, too.
The way you cross you t’s tells about your goals and your will power. Think of t crossings as the path to your goal. Is your path straight, wide and clear?
If you cross your t’s quite low on the t stem, you may be setting goals mainly to avoid failure, unless you’ve recently achieved a major goal and are resting for a while. If you cross t’s midway up the stem, the way you may have been taught, you set achievable goals that require you to stretch a bit. If they are high, that shows you like challenges and are shooting for high goals. If a few of your t bars are above the stem, it’s the sign of a visionary who looks ahead and sees possibilities. If it’s many, you may be out of touch with reality, unrealistic about your goals, like someone 5'3" planning on becoming a pro basketball player. It's really daydreaming.
So, when you cross the t’s on your affirmations, make sure they are not too low or too high. If they are, you might want to rethink your goals or how you are thinking about your goals.
If you find you are lowering the bar, or your bars are weak, you may also want to consider whether you are having too hard a time believing your affirmations. Sometimes it can help to start with “I choose to,” “I am willing to,” “I am becoming,” or “I am starting to,” then when you feel more empowered go to "I am/have," etc.
Even more important is the pressure and length you use to cross your t’s. The length indicates your staying power, enthusiasm. The pressure indicates the energy you have to get to your goal and withstand pressure. Pressure that starts strong and fades indicates someone who starts strong, but fades before completion or loses energy and interest.
A long, firm t bar is a sign of a dynamic will of someone who will put great effort to get what she wants. A bowed t bar indicates a feeling of pressure from outside, an inability to stay the course or resist outside influences. Cross your t’s firmly, straight, and with significant length. As you do it, you will feel a sense of belief, determination and empowerment. Just as you would not say an affirmation in a weak, doubting voice, don’t writing in a weak way. Either can program your subconscious to doubt. How we do things is vital. Saying affirmations or writing them without sufficient energy won't convince your subconscious. Cross your t's strongly for a clear path to success!
I recently saw a study that reminded me of Audie’s Kids and Pets Community. The Boston Globe reports that dog owners who gave commands to their pets while looking at them had higher levels of oxytocin in their urine. And, owners who were closer to their dogs had higher levels than those who were less attached.
This is probably not suprising to pet owners, but an important factor was not just the owners looking at the dogs. The original study is titled "Dog's Gaze at Owner Increases Urinary Oxytocin During Social Interaction." If the owner wasn’t establishing eye contact with the dog, I doubt it would have worked. It was the dog also looking at the owner that was the key. It was the connection.
I’m betting that oxytocin plays a part in why pets are so good for kids. Of course, dogs are the only source of sustained, unconditional love that many people experience, and that has to be important for anyone. It seems especially important for a child, who is so vulnerable to parents' words and actions, even or especially when they are misinterpreting them. When mom’s mad, your dog will love you and calm you down.
I am eagerly looking forward to what Ellie and Dr. Sugar will tell us about accessing oxytocin, and connecting with your pet seems a good way to me. It reminded me of studies that show that in good relationships, holding your partner’s hand calms people in stressful situations. Oxytocin is all about loving connection from all kinds of relationships.
So if you haven’t yet, check out a great place to connect about Kids and Pets, and come see us about improving the oxytocin producing potential of relationships at The Relationship Dance Community!
Braveheart Women is the only site I really hang out on, so it wasn't until I went to a site a friend sent me that I realized another wonderful thing about Braveheart Women I've taken for granted. If you're more widely traveled on the web than I, perhaps you've already noticed. There's a lot of negativity out there on the web, and when people respond to other people's blogs or comments, often it's not to support, encourage or help, but to enhance their egos by putting others down, and sometimes in the most disrespectful ways. Usually this is purported to be in service of some higher principle or value.
If I see a site with that kind of negativity, I just leave quickly, and haven't thought much about it.
Now I realize how unusual it is to have thousands of people participating on a website to help each other and the planet only in positive ways. I do believe that means and ends are inextricably bound, and that promoting positive vibration is the most important thing we can do. It reminded me of Mother Teresa's statement, "If you hold an anti-war rally, I shall not attend. But if you hold a Pro-Peace rally invite me." I'm sure she'd join us.
I read Crystal's blog about releasing negativity and gratitude, and realized that this is another thing to be grateful about that I have taken for granted: a place that makes a difference in a truly positive way.
So thank you all for contributing to making Braveheart Women such an inspiring and positive place. As a sociologist, I know that the leader sets the tone for any organization, and that Ellie's powerful intention and love are the foundation, so I am so grateful to you, Ellie, for your vision in creating and guiding this community in loving service.
"I always felt it was all going wrong, when actually in fact it wasn't, it was all going right...It turned into one of the best days of our lives" --Bono
Have you ever had this happen? Have you ever gone with your gut in the moment, then went "uh oh," only to discover much later your gut was right?
Bono did this at Live Aid, his big chance at stardom, when he left the stage to go into the crowd and help a girl who was being crushed. It truly was Live Aid! He had wanted to dissolve the wall between band and audience, he was all about connection. His band mates were angry, but that turned out to be the concert that made them an international act.
Actually, he was going with his heart, as he has continued to do, so how could that be wrong?
Amma, the hugging saint, was coming to a place in Virginia only 90 minutes from me last weekend, and I was looking forward to experiencing what Dr. Sugar had written about in her blog, but Dr. Sugar offered me the opportunity to speak at and experience one of her life changing weekends. The only time I didn't have commitments was the weekend Amma would be here, and I decided to go to Dr. Sugar's.
Crystal wrote about it in her blog. You can see the participants who stayed after the retreat was over in the photo there. What you can't see is how transformed we all were! Hard to believe that so much can change in two and a half days! The photo was taken after Dr. Sugar treated us to a wonderful meal at a lovely restaurant overlooking the river. Afterward, we went to the healing hot springs that, apart from the incredible scenic beauty, are the area's attraction.
The fifteen or sixteen of us left all crammed into one of the smallest pools there, perhaps five feet in diameter at most. Think subway at rush hour, only wet in bathing suits. This is not something I ordinarily would find attractive. However, the vibration was so high that it was a wonderful merging experience and a lot of laughs! I don't know what Amma's hugs are like, but I'm guessing that there's at least some relationship.
We climbed out and went to larger pools. Breathing is good, too! Our average age was in the 40's, ranging from twenty-something to sixties, but a couple in their early twenties were attracted to join a group of us because they thought we were the most fun people they'd been around. We had a blast, and it was a Rocky Mountain high we'll have with us forever!
)? What can be done about it? 
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Spiritual masters teach the importance of doing one thing at a time, being fully present in the moment, and you really can’t do that quickly, however good you are at multitasking. So multitasking may add to your efficiency at some tasks, but it won’t lead to bliss! 
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